Friday, December 30, 2011

Jerry Springer Comes to Summerville to Interview Legal Eagle Joe Neal Jr

Friday, Dec. 30, 2011

The following is a parody based on actual current events.  See The Jail Report .(Click orange text for links)
If you don't know what parody is, then look it up in the dictionary.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Welcome back to the show.  We're speaking with trial attorney Joe Neal, Jr of Augusta.

 Summerville.  It's pretty much the nicest part of Augusta.

I see. 

I'm the President of the neighborhood.  We call it "The Hill"
Oh, that sounds lovely.

It's pretty cool.  Money.  Old money, trophy wives, opulence, we has  it!  Our neighborhood bar is literally on the city's brochure. Take that south Augusta!

That's nice.
Yeah, seriously nice.  We keep it nice.  Just don't look at that f***gy mural the city forced onto us.

Joe, people are talking...

And be careful around Woodlawn Church.  They're poor.

You've been accused of, frankly, I can hardly say it.  Let's just say I heard from a little bird your babysitter told the police quite a story.

That's a lie!  Cease and desist!  First of all, I don't even have a babysitter- I'm the mother humpin Warrior for Justice!

I meant the young lady you hire to watch your children if I'm not mistaken.  She's accusing you of some pretty heavy things.

I'm not charged with anything.  I'm just a suspect.

A suspect in a rape?  What does that mean?

It means the District Attorney's office hasn't decided to charge me with anything.

Yet.  Didn't you work at the District Attorney's office?  In fact, were you not an Assistant District Attorney in the city where accusations against you are now being considered?

How do you know I worked there?  Who are you, Matlock?

I just read your website. Interesting that you quote Napoleon Bonaparte on it too. A bit of an ego complex perhaps?

Oh, yeah, that website is rad.  Yeah, I worked there.  I like to give back to my community.  The newspaper writes all kinds of stories about me.

I saw one of those.  Can we get this on the camera?

That's a great shot of you, and what a headline.  The article is almost as fluffy as your hair. Can we zoom in a little more?

Wow, that's great.  Sounds like everyone thinks the world of you.

Definitely, definitely.  Mos def.  That's how I know I'm gonna be fine.  You got any Zima?

Sorry, Mr. Neal.  This is a family show.  Are you feeling all right?  I also heard your wife slammed your head into a door.


Just before kicking in the french doors?
That's all the time we have today.  If you want to learn more about the Warrior of Justice or his or his wife's mishaps, read his website or the Jail Report.  See you next time, Springer People! Until next time, take care of yourself, and each other. ***

See the incident report below (click to enlarge):